Marriage, as held by most known societies in the world, is a sacred union of two individuals. From time immemorial, marriage is considered to help a person intertwine their life with their paramour’s in a spiritual and self-fulfilling way.
However, marriage has evolved the most as a concept ever since the advent of the industrial revolution. The two most compelling ideals to arise out of the industrial revolution were that of liberty and equality. Slowly but surely, such ideals creped their way into all social institutions, including marriage. Ever since then, marriage has taken the form of a social contract rather than a spiritual bond.
That is not to say that modern marriage has lost all its romanticism and spirituality. But its sacredness and uniqueness have clearly faded. Whether that is for better or worse, is a different question altogether.
Once it had been established that marriage was a civil contract, as a sure consequence, the possibilities for dissolution of such a union opened up rapidly. The concept of divorce became more within reach and acceptable in society.
*Marriage according to Hindus.
Therefore, spouses must play their parts in preventing the rot in their union which might inevitably lead to a divorce.
Let us discuss a few steps, spouses can take to stop divorce–
- Have a Realistic Outlook
The idea of “happily ever after” is enticing for sure. But marriage is not all rainbows and sunshine. Therefore, having a naive expectation from married life could prove to be detrimental. When two human beings share a life, conflicts and disagreements are bound to appear. Instead of trying to avoid them, if, the couple accepts the fact, they are mere ingredients of life, it becomes much easier to deal with them. A simple argument does not seem and prove to be world-shattering in that case. Conflict often breeds creativity. The couple should control their own expectations, ego, anger etc. etc. of their own way. We must climb out of them having learned something, and grown as a human being. Not to give up, but to conclude.
- Put in Your Best Efforts
“Actions speak louder than words” is not just a simple statement. It is a time-worn test of characters of the people committed to each other. Both the spouses have to make a serious commitment and hard work too in order to make a marriage successful. Being able to sustain a marriage is a day-to-day responsibility of both the side. One has to keep in consideration and respect the partner’s wishes and preferences, which sometimes means being more flexible, compassionate, and sacrifice than you are comfortable with. Nevertheless, such flexibility, companionate attitude and sacrificing mentality is the demand of time and an absolute necessity for a fruitful relationship.
Sometimes it can feel like an unexciting or non-fruitful job rather than an exciting adventure. The constants are usually monotonous but consistency led you to discipline, and discipline is the essence of life. If you wish your spouse to be a constant in your life, you must put the effort in the relation.
- Introspection is a Must
It is often our first instinct in the face of adversity to point our finger on the other person. Accountability can be a scary thing if you look at it from afar. Nobody wants to bear the burden of accountability, rather than liberty is much expected in human nature. However, holding yourself accountable for your own actions is as fruitful as it is necessary for your own growth. A marriage often decays because of the actions of both the spouses and more so because of their unwillingness to take responsibility on their own shoulder, rather than pointing the fault of the opposite side . But if both the parties sit down and introspect to find within themselves, the things they have been responsible for, that opens up a new perspective for the relation and moreover it will help to understand the mental frequency of the other side. And if both parties can see things from each other’s perspective that is the point, wherefrom most of the solution begins. Beneficial selflessness comes at the price of letting go of your own ego in the relation.
- Do Not Take Communication for Granted
Communication often holds the key to resolving serious issues. Unwillingness to talk and shunning away your spouse could prove to be the final nail in the coffin of a decaying marriage. We humans are not God and thus not capable of reading the thoughts of other persons. Therefore, there is no other way to make the other person understand how you feel, except for effective communication. It is only through communication that we can find our way into the person’s thoughts and attempt to find some mutual ground of understanding by talking to each other compassionately.
- Be More Frank
In order to solve an issue, first, you have to identify it without any ambiguity. The problems you might be having with your spouse, all of them must be put on the table prior to them being solved. Holding on to past grievances and grudges can be detrimental to the process of reconciliation. It is definitely better to let everything out on the open table and deal with them together with love and mutual respect.
- Do Not Be Afraid to Get Help
If a marriage is on the brink of collapsing and the two persons involved are not capable of dealing with it anymore, there is no shame in asking for outside help. Such help can appear in the form of a trusted friend, or an in-law, and last but not the least, a good Marriage Counsellor. Having an outsider’s perspective present, especially that of a licensed professional, can open up brand new avenues that might not ordinarily be visible to the two parties already under enormous.
- Take Children into Consideration
The divorce of parents takes a heavy toll on the psyche of any children. A divorce deprives the children of either parent’s love. Numerous studies have shown that coming from a broken home often affects the children emotionally in a way that might be irreparable. The children have to bear the emotional baggage of a divorce that they most probably had nothing to do with. It is, therefore, necessary to take into consideration the future of children before cementing on a decision of divorce.
- Judicial Separation
As counterintuitive as it may sound, taking a Court-mandated separation can help in the process of reconciliation. Taking time away from your spouse gives you the time and opportunity to reflect back on things in a productive way. Couples can utilize such time to analyze and decrypt the issues that they had been experiencing.
Not only in marriage only, but positivity is also the essence of life to make it worthy. This method can be adopted to balance the pros and cons of a particular marriage. The ‘positive psychology’ i.e., optimistic view of the couples asks them to focus on the positive aspects of their partner (for instance, their character strengths, etc.) and weigh them against all the negative aspects that are harming the marriage. Such balancing of qualities can be really helpful to look at things objectively, and stop emotions from clouding your judgment.
- Set Goals and Try to Achieve Them Together
Think back on the time you first met your partner. Surely, both of you had numerous goals that you wanted to achieve together. If you have already achieved most of those goals, why not set new ones? Cooperating on things can increase the sense of togetherness, partnership, understanding, responsibility, trust, and respect. Similarly, it can be easier to work on your marriage together, than trying to do everything yourself.
Together we can grow, individually we are alone